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Tuesday, August 11, 2015
Jeff Lampl
Some Advice on Same-Sex Marriage for US Church Leaders From a Canadian
Tuesday, August 11, 2015
Jeff Lampl
Some Advice on Same-Sex Marriage for US Church Leaders From a Canadian
About
a month ago I was alerted to the following article.
I think a great deal of wisdom. I
hope you take the time to read it and consider its wisdom.
Jeff
In June
2015, the US Supreme Court ruled that same-sex couples can marry in all 50
states, setting off a flurry of reaction by Christians and virtually everyone
else on social media and beyond.
Ed Stetzer wrote a helpful background post to
the shift in opinion that led to the decision and included links to a
number of other leading articles in his post.
The
social media reaction ranged from surprising to predictable to
disappointing to occasionally refreshing.
I
write from the perspective of a pastor of an
evangelical church
in a country where same sex-marriage has been the law of the land for a decade.
That
does not mean I hold any uniquely deep wisdom, but it does mean we’ve had a
decade to process and pray over the issue.
I
hope what I offer can help. It’s my perspective. My fingers tremble at the
keyboard because my goal is to help in the midst of a dialogue that seems
far more divisive than it is uniting or constructive.
There
will be many who disagree with me, I’m sure, but I hope it pulls debate away
from the “sky is falling/this is the best thing ever” dichotomy that seems
to characterize much of the dialogue so far.
The purpose
of this post is not to take a position or define matters theologically (for
there is so much debate around that). Rather, the purpose of this post is
to think through how to respond as a church when the law of the land changes as
fundamentally as it’s changing on same-sex marriage and many other issues.
Here
are 5 perspectives I hope are helpful as church leaders of various positions on
the subject think and pray through a way forward.
Most
of us reading this post have been born into a unique season in history in which
our culture is moving from a Christian culture to a post-Christian culture
before our eyes.
Whatever
you think about history, theology or exactly when this shift happened, it’s
clear for all of us that the world into which we were born no longer exists.
Viewpoints
that were widely embraced by culture just decades ago are no longer embraced.
For some this seems like progress. For others, it seems like we’re losing
something. Regardless, things have changed fundamentally.
But
is that really such a big deal? For most of the last 2000 years, the
authentic church has been counter-cultural. The church was certainly
counter-cultural in the first century.
Even
at the height of ‘Christendom’ (whenever that was), the most conservative
historians would agree that Christianity as embraced by the state was
different than the authentic Christianity we read about in scripture or that was
practiced by many devout followers of Jesus.
Being
counter-cultural usually helps the church more than hurts it.
If
you think about it, regardless of your theological position, all your
views as a Christian are counter-cultural and always will be. If your views are
cultural, you’re probably not reading the scriptures closely enough.
We’re
at our best when we offer an alternative, not just a reflection of a diluted or
hijacked spirituality.
2.
It’s actually strange to ask non-Christians to hold Christian values
As
the Barna Group has pointed out, a growing number of people in America are best described as
post-Christian. The majority of Canadians would certainly qualify
as having a post-Christian worldview.
The
question Christians in a post-Christian culture have to ask themselves is this:
Why
would we expect non-Christians to behave like Christians?
If
you believe sex is a gift given by God to be experienced between a man and a
woman within marriage, why would you expect people who don’t follow Christ to
embrace that?
Why would
we expect people who don’t profess to be Christians to:
Wait
until marriage to have sex?
Clean
up their language?
Stop
smoking weed?
Be
faithful to one person for life?
Pass
laws like the entire nation was Christian?
Seriously?
Why?
Most
people today are not pretending to be Christians. So why would they
adopt Christian values or morals?
Please
don’t get me wrong.
I’m
a pastor. I completely believe that the Jesus is not only the
Way, but that God’s way is the best way.
When
you follow biblical teachings about how to live life, your life simply goes
better. It just does. I 100 percent agree.
I
do everything I personally can to align my life with the teachings of scripture,
and I’m passionate about helping every follower of Christ do the same.
But
what’s the logic behind judging people who don’t follow Jesus for behaving
like people who don’t follow Jesus?
Why
would you hold the world to the same standard you hold the church?
First,
non-Christians usually act more consistently with their value system than you
do.
It’s
difficult for a non-Christian to be a hypocrite because they tend to live out
what they believe.
Chances
are they are better at living out their values than you or I are. Jesus never
blamed pagans for acting like pagans.
But
he did speak out against religious people for acting hypocritically. Think about
that.
3.
You’ve been dealing with sex outside of traditional marriage for a LONG
time
If
you believe gay sex is sinful, it’s really no morally different than straight
sex outside of marriage.
Be
honest, pretty much every unmarried person in your church is having sex
(yes, even the Christians).
I
know you want to believe that’s not true (trust me, I want to believe
that’s not true), but why don’t you ask around? You’ll discover that only
a few really surrender their sexuality.
Not
to mention the married folks that struggle with porn, lust and a long list of
other dysfunctions.
If
you believe gay marriage is not God’s design, you’re really dealing with the
same issue you’ve been dealing with all along—sex outside of its
God-given context.
You
don’t need to treat it any differently.
By
the way, if you don’t deal with straight sex outside of marriage, don’t
start being inconsistent and speak out against gay sex.
And
you may want to start dealing with gluttony and gossip and greed while you’re
at it. (I wrote more here about how to get the hypocrisy out of our
sex talk in church.)
At
least be consistent . . . . . humbly address all forms of sex outside of
marriage.
The
dialogue is possible. (Andy Stanley offers a great rationale for sex staying inside marriage here.)
We
have that dialogue all the time at our church.
And
people are grateful for it.
We
also talk about our greed, our gluttony, our jealousy and our hypocrisy as
Christians. It’s amazing. Jesus brings healing to all these areas of life,
including our sex lives.
4.
The early church never looked to the government for guidance
Having
a government that doesn’t embrace the church’s values line for line actually
puts Christians in some great company—the company of the earliest followers of
Jesus.
Jesus
spent about zero time asking the government to change during his ministry.
In fact, people asked him to become the government, and he
replied that his Kingdom is not of this world.
The
Apostle Paul appeared before government officials regularly. Not once did he ask
them to change the laws of the land.
He
did, however, invite government officials to have Jesus
personally change them.
Paul
constantly suffered at the hands of the authorities, ultimately dying under
their power, but like Jesus, didn’t look to them for change.
Rather
than asking the government to release him from prison, he wrote letters from
prison talking about the love of Jesus Christ.
Instead
of looking to the government for help, Paul and Jesus looked to God.
None
of us in the West are suffering nearly as radically as Jesus and Paul suffered
at the hands of a government. In fact, in Canada and the US, our government
protects our freedom to assemble and even disagree with others. Plus, it gives
us tax breaks for donations.
We
honestly don’t have it that hard.
Maybe
the future North American church will be more like the early church, rising
early, before dawn, to pray, to encourage, to break bread.
Maybe
we will pool our possessions and see the image of God in women. And love our
wives radically and deeply with a protective love that will shock the culture.
Maybe we will treat others with self-giving love, and even offer our lives in
place of theirs.
Maybe
we’ll be willing to lose our jobs, our homes, our families and even our lives
because we follow Jesus.
That
might just touch off a revolution like it did two millennia ago.
Perhaps
the government might even take notice, amazed by the love that radical
Jesus followers display.
5.
Our judgment of LGBT people is destroying any potential relationship
Even
the first 72 hour of social media reaction has driven a deeper wedge
between Christian leaders and the LGBT community Jesus loves (yes, Jesus died for the world because he loves it).
Judgment
is a terrible evangelism strategy.
People
don’t line up to be judged. Instead they flee.
If
you want to keep being ineffective at reaching unchurched people, keep judging
them.
Judging
outsiders is un-Christian. Paul told us to stop judging people
outside the church.
Paul
also reminds us to drop the uppity-attitude; that none of us were
saved by the good we did but by grace.
Take
a deep breath. You were saved by grace. Your sins are simply
different than many others. And honestly, in many respects, they are the
same.
People
don’t line up to be judged. But they might line up to be loved.
So
love people. Especially the people with whom you disagree.
Those
are a few of the things I’ve learned and I’m struggling with.
The
dialogue is not easy when culture is changing and people who sincerely love
Jesus sincerely disagree.
I
think there’s more hope than there is despair for the future. The radical
ethic of grace and truth found in Jesus is more desperately needed in our world
today than ever before.
Is
the path crystal clear? No.
But
rather than being a set back, perhaps this can move the church yet another step
closer to realizing its true mission.
I
was tempted to close comments off on this post, but I will leave them open
just to see if we can continue the discussion constructively and humbly.
Rants
and abusive viewpoints (on either side) will be deleted.
Show
grace.
Respect
those with whom you disagree.
If
you want to leave a comment that helps, please do so.
But
please spend at least as much time praying for the situation and for people you
know who have been hurt by this dialogue as you do commenting on this post, on
others like it or on your social media channels.
Maybe
spend more time praying, actually.
That’s
what we all really need. And that’s what will move the mission of the church
forward.
————
Caleb’s
Story
To
help you navigate the issue a little further, I’m adding the interview I did
on my Leadership Podcast with Caleb Kaltenbach into this post.
Caleb
was born to parents who divorced to both pursue gay relationships. Caleb grew
up to become a Christian and a pastor, and has spent his adult life fighting for
the relationship with his parents. It’s a fascinating, moving story of grace
in the midst of disagreement.
Your
can listen here in the browser window below, or click here to listen to Episode 33 on your phone or
other device.
Carey
Nieuwhof
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