Death by Suburb

Death By Suburb

Monday, May 30, 2016

Jeff Lampl

“ Don’t be selfish; don’t try to impress others. Be humble, thinking of others as better than yourselves.”         Philippians 2:3 (NLT)

Parenting has become America’s #1 competitive sport!  When my son strikes out your son . . . .

  

I feel proud.   Why?  Because my son is an extension of myself.   If he succeeds, then I have succeeded.  I am validated.   His success is my success.   At least that’s what goes on in the recesses of the minds of most dads, some more explicitly than others.  

On the other hand, when your son strikes out my son, it’s really hard for me to be happy for him.  I have been humiliated.  Why?  Because as an extension of myself I experience failure.  I have to face my interior sense of not measuring up in my own life.  At least that’s what those who study such things tell us.  And I think they’re right.

Pride is competitive, always comparing.   As David Goetz points out in his great book, Death by Suburb, we suburbanites tend to keep a sharp eye out for those with bigger houses and cars and those with more stuff than we have.   We notice those who have “beaten us out” for that next rank on the ladder upward.    So we compete.   We work harder, spend less time at home so that we can prove ourselves socially and materially.    Our workaholism and busy-ness are markers of pride.    It’s hard to be humble in the suburbs.

Yet the suburbs humble us too.   There’s always someone whose children achieve more, who owns more, who’s more genial, liked more, is more giving, has a better reputation and whose cars have all the honor roll stickers. 

Antidote?   Step one, admit your pride.   This is no small step.   But don’t just give lip service to your pride, see it and continue to practice seeing it.  See it in the reasons you criticize others, in the reasons you want others to fail or get caught or to “get what’s coming” to them.   See it in your jealousy, in your false attempts at humility.   And then once you see it, FEEL IT.  Let it humiliate and hurt you.   Confession and heartfelt remorse, once experienced are a great first step, a step without which no progress in Christlike humility can be made.

Now you are ready for the next step.  Practice humbling yourself before your family, friends, subordinates, bosses and neighbors, and yes, enemies, considering each of them as better than yourself (Philippians 2:3)

“Lord help me to see reality, to see the pride which lurks behind so much of what ails me and which fuels so much of what destroys me.   Lord, humble me, for I can’t seem to do on my own.   Amen”

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