You Never Marry the Right Person - Part 2

February 12, 2016
Pastor Jeff Lampl

You Never Marry the Right Person
How our culture misunderstands compatibility.
Part 2

“Why is the quest for compatibility seemingly so impossible?”

Tim Keller in The Meaning of Marriage” explains: 

“The Bible explains why the quest for compatibility seems to be so impossible. As a pastor I have spoken to thousands of couples, some working on marriage-seeking, some working on marriage-sustaining and some working on marriage-saving. I’ve heard them say over and over, “Love shouldn’t be this hard, it should come naturally.” In response I always say something like: “Why believe that? Would someone who wants to play professional baseball say, ‘It shouldn’t be so hard to hit a fastball’? Would someone who wants to write the greatest American novel of her generation say, ‘It shouldn’t be hard to create believable characters and compelling narrative’?” The understandable retort is: “But this is not baseball or literature. This is love. Love should just come naturally if two people are compatible, if they are truly soul-mates. “

The Christian answer to this is that no two people are compatible. Duke University Ethics professor Stanley Hauerwas has famously made this point:

Destructive to marriage is the self-fulfillment ethic that assumes marriage and the family are primarily institutions of personal fulfillment, necessary for us to become "whole" and happy. The assumption is that there is someone just right for us to marry and that if we look closely enough we will find the right person. This moral assumption overlooks a crucial aspect to marriage. It fails to appreciate the fact that we always marry the wrong person.

We never know whom we marry; we just think we do. Or even if we first marry the right person, just give it a while and he or she will change. For marriage, being [the enormous thing it is] means we are not the same person after we have entered it. The primary challenge of marriage is learning how to love and care for the stranger to whom you find yourself married”

Read that great line again!

The primary challenge of marriage is learning how to love and care for the stranger to whom you find yourself married”!!!!

Suggestion

Order the Money Life Couples Assessment and complete it with your spouse (a $19.95 investment) and discover how financially compatible you are.  Complete the assessment then review your individual reports and discuss them.   Leverage your money challenges into a method of bringing you together instead of pulling you apart.