You Never Marry the Right Person - Part 1

February 10, 2016
Pastor Jeff Lampl

You Never Marry the Right Person
How our culture misunderstands compatibility.
Part 1

Tim Keller writes in his book, The Meaning of Marriage, “In generations past, there was far less talk about “compatibility” and finding the ideal soul-mate”

Keller continues;

“Today we are looking for someone who accepts us as we are and fulfills our desires, and this creates an unrealistic set of expectations that frustrates both the searchers and the searched for.

In John Tierney’s classic humor article “Picky, Picky, Picky” he tries nobly to get us to laugh at the impossible situation our culture has put us in. He recounts many of the reasons his single friends told him they had given up on their recent relationships:

“She mispronounced ‘Goethe.’”
“How could I take him seriously after seeing The Road Less Traveled on his bookshelf?”
“If she would just lose seven pounds.”
“Sure, he’s a partner, but it’s not a big firm. And he wears those short black socks.”
“Well, it started out great ... beautiful face, great body, nice smile. Everything was going fine—until she turned around.” He paused ominously and shook his head. ”... She had dirty elbows.”

In other words, some people in our culture want too much out of a marriage partner. They do not see marriage as two flawed people coming together to create a space of stability, love and consolation, a “haven in a heartless world,” as Christopher Lasch describes it. Rather, they are looking for someone who will accept them as they are, complement their abilities and fulfill their sexual and emotional desires. This will indeed require a woman who is “a novelist/astronaut with a background in fashion modeling,” and the equivalent in a man. A marriage based not on self-denial but on self-fulfillment will require a low- or no-maintenance partner who meets your needs while making almost no claims on you. Simply put—today people are asking far too much in the marriage partner”

How about you?

Are you stuck grieving or complaining about the difference between what you thought were getting in a spouse and what you actually got?    Or maybe you are seeking that perfect “soul mate” who will “complete” you.

I say this in every wedding ceremony that I conduct, “your spouse will not be enough”.   Then I add, “being in love will not hold your marriage together, rather it is the solid walls of marriage commitments kept that will hold your love together”.

Are you fixed on the ideal of marriage or are you ready to accept a real one?