Believes ALL Things?

  Blog »    Believes ALL Things?  

Tuesday, February 11, 2014   Jeff Lampl

"(Love) bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things."
1 Corinthians 13:7 (NKJV)  

Sounds a little bit like Co-dependency doesn’t it?   If I just keep on believing and trusting and bearing and enduring doesn’t that make love blind and turn me into a potential doormat?   What happens when he comes home late night after night with nothing but excuses and weak apologies?   Do I just keep on believing him?  What happens if she constantly says she’ll do such and such and never does it?  What do you do with the gap between expectations and behavior?  What do I do with the gap?

In every situation we have two choices:  believe the best or assume the worst.     Your past may cause you to assume the worst every time he comes home late (“what’s he doing that he’s not telling me”).    And his past may cause him to assume the worst every time you ask him questions (“oh there she goes being critical again”)

So what to do?  Vs 7 above tells us to practice believing the best.   We can believe the best or assume the worst.  The later turns us into distrustful cynics about our spouse.   The former, although carrying the risk of being wrong, not only frees your partner from your condemnation (inward or expressed) but over time it can change not only your attitude, but it can also set a tone in your relationship which builds up, encourages, and can even create a “want to” in your partner whereby he or she desires to live up to your faith in them.  

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Love Training

Blog »    Love Training 

Monday, February 10,  2014   Jeff Lampl

“ Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud.
 It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs.   Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth”   1 Corinthians 13:4-6 (NIV)  

Okay, so let’s check them off.   I am . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .      

þ  Patient

þ  Kind

þ  Not an envier

þ  Not a boaster

þ  Not proud

þ  Not rude

þ  Not self seeking

þ  Not easily angered

þ   And I keep not record of wrongs!   I’m neither hysterical nor historical!  (although my mother should have been a history teacher)

þ  Not one to delight in the mess that others get themselves into

þ  And I just love it when the truth comes out!

Wow!  11 checked boxes! I’m pretty good at this love thing!  Or not. 

Improvement in anything always starts with seeing clearly where you actually are.   Spouses, siblings and parents are usually pretty good at making that assessment.   Your friends?  Probably not so good.   God’s good at that too.   In fact God gave us this checklist as a mirror to help us see ourselves more clearly.

So, now that you’ve self assessed in God’s crystal clear mirror, the next thing is to go into training.   It’s practice, practice, practice, practice and more practice until . . . . . when?  . . . .until your last breath.  

Here’s something I concluded years ago and it has been an encouragement to me.  I discovered that I fail in trying to achieve almost any virtue that I set out to gain.   There’s a pattern.   I practice and then fail, practice and then fail  However there’s another thing present.   I always get up and begin all over again.   As the years mount up I discover that this repeated series of failures is in reality a repeated series of fresh starts which have themselves become a  consistent practice of the pursuit of the virtues.    The Good News is that repeated fresh starts, repeatedly getting up one more time than i fall is a beautiful picture of the Christian Life and is itself and pattern of committed love and of God’s persistent work in my life.

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Truth or Love . . . .Or?

Blog »    Truth or Love . . . . Or?  

Friday, February 7, 2014   Jeff Lampl

                  “speaking the truth in love, we will in all things grow up into him who is the
                                  Head, that is, Christ”       Ephesians 4:15 (NIV))  

I don’t know about you, but I find this passage one of the most difficult in the entire bible to carry out.   On the one hand I often that speaking the truth (at least as I perceive it) will harm the other person, or might bring that person’s wrath upon me, or both.  On the other hand (and it’s this hand that I find easiest) I sometimes fear that offering love with diminished truthfulness will result in condoning wrong.  

It’s hard isn’t it?  In  which direction do you lean in your relationship with your spouse, friends or children?  Does your spouse balance your tendency?   Does that make it hard or good or both!?   Here are some wise words from Tim Keller from his book, The Meaning of Marriage:  

“Love without truth is sentimentality; it supports and affirms us but keeps us in denial about our flaws. Truth without love is harshness; it gives us information but in such a way that we cannot really hear it. God's saving love in Christ, however, is marked by both radical truthfulness about who we are and yet also radical, unconditional commitment to us. The merciful commitment strengthens us to see the truth about ourselves and repent. The conviction and repentance moves us to cling to and rest in God's mercy and grace.”  Timothy Keller, The Meaning of Marriage: Facing the Complexities of Commitment with the Wisdom of God  

What do you think?

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Why did/will You Marry?

Blog »    Why did/will You Marry?  

Thursday, February 6, 2014   Jeff Lampl

"Give my greetings to Priscilla and Aquila, who work together with me in Christ Jesus and who risked their own lives to save my life. I am thankful to them, and all the non-Jewish churches are thankful as well.   Also, greet for me the church that meets at their house”                           Romans 16:3-5 (NCV)  

Priscilla and Aquila may provide the most romantic picture of marriage in the Bible.  In Romans 16 notice the word “together.” Notice further that they were co-workers with Paul in ministering to others, actually risking their lives together.    Notice how Tim Keller in his recent book explains the foundation of a successful marriage.

“This principle - that your spouse should be capable of becoming your best friend - is a game changer when you address the question of compatibility in a prospective spouse. If you think of marriage largely in terms of erotic love, then compatibility means sexual chemistry and appeal. If you think of marriage largely as a way to move into the kind of social status in life you desire, then compatibility means being part of the desired social class, and perhaps common tastes and aspirations for lifestyle. The problem with these factors is that they are not durable.  

Physical attractiveness will wane, no matter how hard you work to delay its departure. And socio-economic status unfortunately can change almost overnight. When people think they have found compatibility based on these things, they often make the painful discovery that they have built their relationship on unstable ground. A woman "lets herself go" or a man loses his job, and the compatibility foundation falls apart.” Timothy Keller, The Meaning of Marriage: Facing the Complexities of Commitment with the Wisdom of God  

However, when two marry out of a common friendship and common vision and common faith and common calling, a marriage can not only last, but it can last meaningfully with eternal implications.   It can also click!

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Dating is not for the Faint of Heart: The Risk of Love

Blog »    Dating is not for the Faint of Heart: 
The Risk of Love  

Wednesday, February 5, 2014   Jeff Lampl   
Today’s Blog is excerpted from Reflections from the CS Lewis Institute

“There is no fear in love, but perfect love casts out fear. For fear has to do with punishment,
and whoever fears has not been perfected in love. We love because he first loved us”
I John 4:18-19 (ESV)  

In a world of smart phones, text messages, Facebook, and e-dating, many are creating virtual relationships which mask a person’s true identity in an attempt to protect themselves from the reality of real relationship. They want to avoid the possible heartache and pain that can occur when love is not reciprocated. Others fill their lives with work, recreation or entertainment in an attempt to avoid deep relationships. And yet, as we attempt to protect ourselves, we become less human, and wander farther from the Creator’s purpose for our lives which is to love both God and neighbor as ourselves. In his book The Four Loves, C.S. Lewis writes:  

To love at all is to be vulnerable. Love anything, and your heart will certainly be wrung and possibly be broken. If you want to make sure of keeping it intact, you must give your heart to no one, not even to an animal. Wrap it carefully round with hobbies and little luxuries; avoid all entanglements; lock it up safe in the casket or coffin of your selfishness. But in that casket - safe, dark, motionless, airless – it will change. It will not be broken; it will become unbreakable, impenetrable, irredeemable. The alternative to tragedy, or at least to the risk of tragedy, is damnation. The only place outside Heaven where you can be perfectly safe from all the dangers and perturbations of love is Hell.  

I believe that the most lawless and inordinate loves are less contrary to God’s will than a self-invited and self-protective lovelessness. It is like hiding the talent in a napkin and for much the same reason ‘I knew thee that thou wert a hard man.’ Christ did not teach and suffer that we might become, even in the natural loves, more careful of our own happiness. If a man is not uncalculating towards the earthly beloveds whom he has seen, he is none the more likely to be so towards God whom he has not. We shall draw nearer to God, not by trying to avoid the sufferings inherent in all loves, but by accepting them and offering them to Him; throwing away all defensive armour. If our hearts need to be broken, and if He chooses this as the way in which they should break, so be it.¹  

As we look at the relationships in our own lives we might ask the following questions. Am I holding back my love toward God and others out of the fear of being wounded in the fray? If so, am I willing to begin to trust God with my life and open up the gateways to my heart so that I can both give and receive love as God intended me to do?

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I'm Asking for Nothing but My Rights

Blog »    I'm Asking for Nothing but My Rights  

Tuesday, February 4, 2014  Today’s Blog is taken from CS Lewis Institutes’ Reflections  

 “do not let selfishness or pride be your guide. Instead, be humble and
give more honor to others than to yourselves”
Philippians 2:3-4 (NCV)

  In C.S. Lewis's fictional book, The Great Divorce, two former work acquaintances meet in the after-life. One is now a ghost who resides in hell, the other, a murderer is now a Solid Person who lives in heaven. Listen in as the ghost cries foul,  

"What I'd like to understand," said the Ghost, "is what you're here for, as pleased as Punch, you, a bloody murderer, while I've been walking the streets down there and living in a place like a pigstye all these years... personally, I'd have thought you and I ought to be the other way round. That's my personal opinion...Look at me, now," said the Ghost, slapping its chest (but the slap made no noise). "I gone straight all my life. I don't say I was a religious man and I don't say I had no faults, far from it. But I done my best all my life, see? I done my best by everyone, that's the sort of chap I was. I never asked for anything that wasn't mine by rights. If I wanted a drink I paid for it and if I took my wages I done my job, see? That's the sort I was and I don't care who knows it...You may think you can put me down because you're dressed up like that (which you weren't when you worked under me) and I'm only a poor man. But I got to have my rights same as you, see?"

"Oh no. It's not so bad as that. I haven't got my rights, or I should not be here. You will not get yours either. You'll get something far better. Never fear..."

"What do you keep arguing for?... I only want my rights. I'm not asking for anybody's bleeding charity."

"Then do. At once. Ask for the Bleeding Charity. Everything is here for the asking and nothing can be bought..."

"I don't want charity. I'm a decent man and if I had my rights I'd have been here long ago and you can tell them I said so."

The other shook his head. "You can never do it like that," he said... "And it isn't exactly true, you know..."

"What isn't true?" asked the Ghost sulkily.

"You weren't a decent man and you didn't do your best. We none of us were and none of us did...all the men who worked under you felt the same. You made it hard for us, you know. And you made it hard for your wife too and for your children."

"You mind your own business, young man," said the Ghost. "None of your lip, see? Because I'm not taking any impudence from you about my private affairs."

"There are no private affairs," said the other...

"I'd rather be damned than go along with you. I came here to get my rights, see? Not to go sniveling along on charity tied to your apron-strings...I'll go home. I didn't come to be treated like a dog. I'll go home. That's what I'll do. Damn and blast the whole pack of you ..."¹  

Like the ghost, in comparison to others, we tend to think that we're pretty good and decent and deserve better. Yet in reality, we don’t see ourselves all that clearly and deserve far less than we think we do .   How might this story apply to your marriage, friendships, or work relationships?

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Just Gotta be Myself

Blog »    Just Gotta be Myself  

Monday, February 3, 2014   Jeff Lampl

“Your old life is dead. Your new life, which is your real life—even though invisible to spectators—is with Christ in God. He is your life.
When Christ (your real life, remember) shows up again on this earth, you'll show up, too—the real you, the glorious you. Meanwhile, be content with obscurity, like Christ."
Colossians 3:3-4 (MSG)

It seems to me that the phrase, “just be yourself” is one of the chief pieces of advice that 21^st century Americans give to others and to themselves.  “I’m just being me” we say.  So, what’s wrong with that?  For one thing I’m not sure how that makes for a marriage.  CS Lewis weighs in with these words from Mere Christianity pp 190

“The more we get what we now call “ourselves” out of the way and let Him take us over, the more truly ourselves we become. There is so much of Him that millions and millions of “little Christs,” all different, will still be too few to express Him fully. He made them all. He invented—as an author invents characters in a novel—all the different men that you and I were intended to be. In that sense our real selves are all waiting for us in Him.

It is no good trying to “be myself” without Him. The more I resist Him and try to live on my own, the more I become dominated by my own heredity and upbringing and surroundings and natural desires. In fact what I so proudly call “Myself” becomes merely the meeting place for trains of events which I never started and which I cannot stop. What I call “My wishes” become merely the desires thrown up by my physical organism or pumped into me by other men’s thoughts or even suggested to me by devils. Eggs and alcohol and a good night’s sleep will be the real origins of what I flatter myself by regarding as my own highly personal and discriminating decision to make love to the girl opposite to me in the railway carriage. Propaganda will be the real origin of what I regard as my own personal political ideas. I am not, in my natural state, nearly so much of a person as I like to believe: most of what I call “me” can be very easily explained. It is when I turn to Christ, when I give myself up to His Personality, that I first begin to have a real personality of my own.^”          

 

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