Confessing My Racism - How forgiveness could transform us all

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Confessing My Racism

How forgiveness could transform us all

Friday, August 29, 2014
Jeff Lampl

The following post is written by Anna Broadway (pictured above).   I offer to you because she writes what I’ve recognized in myself and have never found a way to express it as clearly and profoundly as she has.  I hope you take the time to read this and allow it to help you see your own heart at little bit more clearly.   Jeff

How can Christians seek racial reconciliation, justice and healing? Attempting to answer that question means reckoning with racism. But as a member of the ethnic group that has enjoyed disproportionate power and privilege because of systemic and other forms of racism, attempting an answer means trying to address a blind spot that afflicts my own vision.

Far easier to point out the comparatively more obvious blind spot of another person's racism — be it Donald Sterling, Paula Deen or commentators on Jeremy Lin. But insofar as we can call racism a blind spot (by which I don't in any way mean to absolve people of responsibility), Jesus taught a very different process for correction: start with your own sin.

Confession raises all sorts of fears, but racism has become one of the most shameful sins I can think of. I didn't realize I saw it that way until one day about 10 years ago, when various slurs started coming to mind as I walked down a street in my neighborhood and saw people of different ethnic backgrounds.

As someone with relatives and close friends of various ethnicities, I was horrified by my own thoughts. Each time it happened, I begged God for forgiveness and a change in heart. At first, I hoped God and I could work it out privately. But you can't address something as long as you pretend it isn't there. And racism causes inherently communal destruction. So I confessed my thoughts to others at church and asked for their prayers. The thoughts continued.

Then, shortly after I moved to California, my then-roommate invited an African American pastor over to pray with her. After they finished, something prompted me to confess my struggle with racist thoughts.

When the pastor asked for more background, I reluctantly shared a hurtful experience that happened around the time the thoughts began. I'm not sure what I expected her to say, but to my astonishment, she said, "Oh, no one ever apologized to you" — and then proceeded to do so herself.

Nothing had prepared me for a response like that. Everything in me resisted the admission, fearing that exposure of my sin at its worst would lead to relational disaster and rejection. Even seemingly lesser sins — ignorant, careless or inadvertently hurtful remarks — had previously damaged relationships and caused others to pull back in hurt and anger. So I was ready for what I thought I deserved.

But instead she was apologizing to me?

That woman's response was one of the most humbling and powerful experiences I've ever had with someone of another race. Though she apologized on behalf of others, her response also offered a measure of the forgiveness I desperately needed. In that moment, she embodied the hope of the coming racial unity Paul describes in Ephesians:

"[Jesus] himself is our peace, who has made the two one and has destroyed the barrier, the dividing wall of hostility, by abolishing in his flesh the law with its commandments and regulations. His purpose was to create in himself one new man out of the two, thus making peace, and in this one body to reconcile both of them to God through the cross, by which he put to death their hostility." (Eph. 2:14-16, NIV)

I wish my racist thoughts ended with that conversation, but it hasn't been so easy. So, recently, I decided to spend some time in listening prayer about racism. With the listening process my church follows, you ask God to take you back to where a particular issue began, showing you both the lies you believed and the truth about the situation. Later, you renounce your belief in those lies and, if necessary, walk through a similar process for unforgiveness, verbally releasing the other person from his or her debt.

To my chagrin, several old wounds came up again. I may never fully know the connection between those events and my thoughts, but I realized during my prayer time how many small hurts — especially with strangers — I'd left to fester quietly. And small as they might seem, each of those unforgiven wounds both damages my relationships and keeps me from God.

To say that all people bear God's image means we not only share a common dignity, we serve a God who has dispersed His image, uniquely entrusting Himself to each person. The more homogenous our relationships, the more distorted our resulting picture of God. If we truly desire to know God, we should seek to know as much of His creation as deeply as we can, no matter what sin we must deal with in the process.

So, in closing, I want to apologize for my part in whatever hurt, discrimination or injustice those reading this have experienced because of your ethnicity. I am sorry for the ways I have believed lies about you; dismissed your perspective; conflated your choices or actions with your race; expected you to speak for other people; not forgiven you when I felt hurt in our relationship; and otherwise denied your status as fellow image bearers of the divine King. I am sorry for the ways I have sinned against you because of how God made you, rather than rejoicing in His design. For whatever role I have had in this cruel and often seemingly hopeless family conflict, I apologize. And I ask you to forgive me.

To those reading this who see racism as a mostly "out there" or "back then" sin problem, I humbly suggest that you ask God to show you any blind spots you have. If the Bible does not leave room for human sinlessness, generally — Jesus aside — why should we be so confident of our innocence in racism? As God convicts you, ask Him how and to whom He might have you repent.

I didn't want to admit my sin of racism publicly, much less on the Internet. But I deeply long to see God restore relationships so that Africans and Europeans, Jews and Palestinians -- all members of His family -- enjoy and delight in each other as He intended. That healing comes on God's terms, not ours.

Earlier this year, I discovered Marilyn Nelson's award-winning biography of George Washington Carver. Artful and intimate (Nelson's own father briefly overlapped Carver at Tuskegee), the book introduced me to the botanist's late-in-life friendship with a young descendant of white slave owners named Jim Hardwick. Nelson depicts one of Carver's letters from their ongoing correspondence:

My Beloved Friend

"Your letter touched me deeply. How I wish
I was more worthy of the things you say
about me. I love you more dearly because
you are of another race. God is using you
to teach the world the brotherhood of man,
the fatherhood of God. How sweet it is
to let God purge our souls of ego and
bitterness, and to have a little taste
of heaven here on earth. I trust you will pray
for me, that I get rid of my littleness.
I did not have to learn to love you: You
were chosen for me. I knew that the first
time I saw you. It was the Christ in you, of course."

From Carver: A Life in Poems by Marilyn Nelson. Copyright © 2001 by Marilyn Nelson. Published by Boyds Mills Press. Used by permission.

May God give — and use us all to produce — more such tastes of heaven on earth until His kingdom comes in full.

Note: Several friends who gave input on earlier drafts of this piece deserve tremendous credit for helping shape what you've just read; any hurtful or insensitive words are entirely my own responsibility.

Anna Broadway is a writer and editor living near San Francisco. The author of Sexless in the City: A Memoir of Reluctant Chastity, she also contributed to the anthologies Talking Taboo and Disquiet Time (forthcoming). She has written for TheAtlantic.com, Books and Culture, on Faith and Paste, among others. She also contributes regularly to the Hermeneutics blog.

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Marriage Works

 

       

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Marriage Works
Thursday, August 28, 2014
Jeff Lampl

“For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife,
and the two will  become one flesh.” This is a profound mystery—
but I am talking about Christ and the church."
Ephesians 5:31-32 (NIV2011)  

Shaunti Feldhahn, in her newest research on marriage tells us that, surprise of all surprises, that marriage works, that despite our negativity, most couples aren’t doomed for divorce.  Listen to what Shaunti discovered as reported in Christianity Today.  

“For decades, Americans have been hearing that the divorce rate in the U.S. is around 50 percent. And everywhere I travel as a speaker and researcher, I see a deep cultural discouragement about marriage today.

Conventional wisdom also holds that marriage is hard. We hear counselors and pastors use that term and picture most couples silently suffering in unfulfilling partnerships.  It feels like that college freshmen orientation where you’re told to look to your left and right and realize that one of you won’t be here in four years. We essentially hear, “Two out of four of you won’t be here. And the rest of you will be miserable. But have a nice marriage!”  It makes couples look around and wonder which of their friends is headed towards inevitable failure. It makes singles question why they should get married to begin with. And it sure makes it all too easy for a struggling couple to give up, when they think half of everyone else couldn’t make it either.

Turns out, though, so much of what we believe about marriage and divorce isn’t even true. For the last eight years, I’ve been intensively investigating marriage and divorce research, and I summarize what I discovered in The Good News About Marriage: Debunking Discouraging Myths about Marriage and Divorce.

I have seen in the research what every marriage counselor knows intimately: divorce isn’t the greatest threat to marriage. Discouragement is. A sense of “why bother” is. And for too long, our confidence in marriage has been undermined by persistent misunderstandings and damaging myths.

The Good News About Marriages
The divorce rate for society as a whole – the percentage of marriages that have ended in divorce at any one point in time – has never hit 50 percent. There are some subgroups that have higher divorce rates, but the overall average has never gotten close.

The myth has persisted in part because leading researchers continue to project that 40 to 50 percent of marriages will end in divorce. Those projections started with no-fault divorce in the 1970s, when divorce rates skyrocketed. The researchers of the day projected that if that trend continued, we would hit 50 percent someday. But very quickly, around 1980, the divorce rate peaked. And according to all available data, it has declined dramatically since then.

Today’s leading demographers continue to project that 40 to 50 percent of couples will divorce in the future. Although I respect these experts (most of whom have helped me greatly over the years) I think they should be revising their projections based on the overwhelming evidence that we’ve never hit that for society as a whole.

So what are the real overall divorce rates? I believe the best measure comes from a 2009 study from the Census Bureau, which shows that 71 percent of once-married women (and 81 percent of men) are still married to their first spouse! Plus, the 29 percent who aren’t still married includes those who have been widowed! Based on the rates of widowhood and other factors, we can estimate that somewhere around 20 to 25 percent of first marriages have ended in divorce. Even among the highest-risk group – baby boomers – seven in ten are still married to their first spouse. They’ve had 30 years’ worth of chances to get divorced, and are still together.

While any amount of divorce is still too high, knowing that the overwhelming majority of marriages last a lifetime is great news that needs to be a part of our conventional understanding and everyday conversation around marriage.

Second Marriages Aren’t Doomed, Either
Nearly everyone who is on their second marriage has heard that outcomes are even worse after their first marriage, that 60 percent (or more) of second marriages end in divorce. Talk about a discouraging, self-fulfilling prophesy! Yet that statistic appears to be a pure urban legend. Encouragingly, the same 2009 Census shows that 65 percent of women who have remarried are still married to their second spouse – and again, the remaining 35 percent who aren’t includes widows. The second marriage divorce rate is probably closer to 30 percent. These numbers should give great hope to anyone who finds themselves “single again” or marrying for the second time.

I recently joined the advisory board of ChristianMingle, which also reports encouraging news for parents looking to remarry. A fascinating study done by the group revealed that 74 percent of singles would probably or definitely marry someone who has children from a previous relationship.

Marriage and the Church
We also need to debunk the often-repeated adage that “the rate of divorce is the same in the church.” When I looked at a host of studies, and partnered with Barna to re-run their numbers to include church attendance, it is clear that people who actually attend church have a drastically lower divorce rate – about 25-50 percent lower! – compared to those who don’t.

Luckily, it seems that many Christians – both married and single – recognize the importance of this. According to ChristianMingle’s study, more than half of singles surveyed believe attending religious services together is a key to a successful relationship, and my own research with married couples agrees.

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Evil? Satan? Sin? What's the Difference?

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Evil?  Satan?  Sin?  What's the Difference?
Wednesday, August 27, 2014
Jeff Lampl

The Bible tells us that God created a good world, but that there is a dark side to it.  There is an extra element to this world, a hidden dimension which is hard to describe and which is hard to see and hard to explain but is nevertheless real.  This hidden dimension is comprised of a force or forces which work to undermine everything that God has done and is doing.  In particular it seeks to bring about the death of creation and of human beings in particular.  

In fact the entire Bible is the story of what God has done, is doing and will to remove these forces of evil.  Notice this passage.  

“The Son of God came to destroy the works of the devil”   I John 3:8  

A hundred years ago no scientist would believe in black holes, but having surveyed all that we have come know, they are the only way to account for all the data.   Similarly some Christians have refused to believe in Satan and demonic powers, but when it comes down to explaining the enormity and many faceted nature of evil, accepting the biblical worldview that there is a quasi-personal spiritual force at work in the world beyond the evil that humans accomplish their own  is really the best way to fully account for all the data we have regarding enormity and complexity of evil.  

Yet Satan and evil are not things in themselves.  They are quasi-personal forces contingent on the existence of good.  Without good to feed off of evil cannot exist.  Satan and evil and even sin are parasites.  Thus Satan and demonic powers are pictured in the bible as angels gone bad, just as Darth Vader could not exist were he not once good. 

Evil, sin and rebellion are only spoiled goodness, parasites, not original things.   In and of itself evil is nothing:   but nothing can be dangerous just as a  pot hole (the absence of asphalt where it is needed)  is dangerous for a car or a missing rung on a ladder is dangerous to the climber.  

On the other hand, sin is my rebellion against God.   It is this sin within me, when acted upon, which Satan uses as one of His tools to put me under his grip and his spell.  When I sin I come under the spell of a power greater than myself and greater than my ability to resist. Thus sinning is its own form of doing evil, but sinning is also being trapped by and controlled by the spiritual forces of evil which are extant in our world.  

Of course Satan is most dangerous when functioning as an “angel of light”, something that looks really good at first, but indulgence in which leads us down a path of destruction.   It is when evil appears as something delicious (recall “Turkish delight” in the Lion, Witch, and Wardrobe when Edmund meets the white witch in Narnia)  that I am deceived and of course when I’m deceived I don’t know it and no one can talk me out of it.

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Grace at Starbucks

Blog »    Grace at Starbucks
Tuesday, August 26, 2014

                      From the Associated Press comes this great "Live to Give" story!

                      An act of kindness at a Starbucks drive-thru in Florida inspired an 11-hour
                      chain of paying-it-forward.
                      A woman drove up and paid for her own iced coffee at 7 a.m. Wednesday at a
                      St. Petersburg store, and also asked to pay for a caramel macchiato for the
                      driver behind her, who then did the same for the next customer.
                      After a few people continued the chain, the employees started keeping a tally
                      on a piece of paper by the window.
                      By 1:30 p.m., 260 people had paid it forward, according to the Tampa Bay
                      Times, ordering their own drinks and paying for one for the stranger behind
                      them.  After people ordered their drinks and drove up to the window, barista
                      Vu Nguyen explained that the drink had already been paid for and asked if
                      they'd like to return the favor.  In total, 378 people agreed to keep it going.
                      The baristas thought that if the chain lasted until closing, at 10 p.m., they
                      would put the remaining money on a gift card and continue the next day,
                      according to the Tampa Bay Times.  But the chain finally ended in that
                      evening.
                      At 6 p.m., the 379th customer ended the chain by ordering a coffee and
                      declining to pay for the next one.
                      Nguyen says he doesn't believe that final customer understood the pay-it-
                      forward concept.

                       Jesus is quoted only once in the book of Acts.  Here's the quote,

                                              "It is more blessed to give than to receive."
                                                                      Acts 20:35

 

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What is the purpose of the 10 Commandments since Christians are "no longer under the Law"?

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What is the Purpose of the 10 Commandments,
since Christians are "no longer under the Law"?

 August 25, 2014

The Ten Commandments are simply huge!  They are the banks of the river, keeping the life of the obedient believer flowing within the boundaries of the how the world really works from an eternal perspective.   From a “this worldly perspective” cutting corners on the 10 commandments works in short run, but in the long run has disastrous consequences.  I can cheat now and it looks like it works!  I get away with it.  I make money.  I get what I want.   But as a cheat I become less human, I become disconnected from God, people begin to see me for who I am, life for those who cheat is a downhill slide.  

The 10 Commandments are the” cliff notes” of how the real world, God’s eternal, world actually works.  Everything that matters most in life is listed: honoring God and respecting others.  They are the rules for “children”, who operate on a “have to” basis before they become “adults”, who will one day operate on a “I want to obey God” basis.    Yet, when the children have become adults they don’t grow past the commands but live “into” them and live them out in fullest depth of their meaning.  

From the perspective of Christ-led life they are both the training curriculum and the fullness of the curriculum at the same time.   They are the means whereby children learn that God can be trusted.  They are, when obeyed, how we learn that living life God’s way works.  They teach us the foundations for morality and ethics in God’s good world.

They show us not to rely on our manipulation of our worlds to get what we want, rather to rely on God’s provision.

They are His protection of us from evil. They are never thrown out.               

The Holy Spirit led life will lead us voluntarily not to lie, not to steal, to want a Sabbath, and all the rest.  I suggest talking a few moments to read Jesus’ “take” on the 10 commandments in Matthew chapters 5, 6, 7.  It’s amazing.

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Deeper

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Friday, August 22, 2014
Jeff Lampl

There are four stages of Christian growth (I got this from St. Augustine who got it from the Apostle Paul).   I’ll explain them by way of an analogy with how most of us grow up.  

           1.  Without the Law:  somewhere around two years old (terrible twos) I get the idea
           that I can do anything I want and in fact I do exactly that!

           2.  Under the Law:   But then comes the horrible realization that there are rules.   As I
           grow into the teen years it’s clear to me that my parents’ rules are bad for my HQ
           (happiness quotient).

           3.   Under Grace (sort of):   the day then comes that I see that the rules are good, but I
           still battle with them. It’s a back and forth struggle between obedience and
           disobedience, guilt and peace, effort and giving up and getting back up again.
           Although it seems like the lot of the Christian, it’s not the greatest way to live.

           4.  Under Peace of Grace:  The day comes when my soul rests in the knowledge that
          God is all in all and Grace trumps all.   The lion and the lamb lie down together.   I get I         it that I’m a sinner, but I get it all the more that God’s Grace trumps my mess.  I find a
          peace that trumps my fitful striving.        

Deeper, this Fall’s series of messages from Galatians beginning September 7,  is about helping each of us to get to stage four in our spiritual growth.    But it is important to “ingest” what you will be learning!   Below are three group studies you can begin with a few friends.    

One Way Love Inexhaustible Grace for an Exhausted World.   Check out this video study here   

Soul Keeping    You can check out this video study here and here

Galatians:  Living in line with the Gospel of Grace by Tim Keller who might right now be the most profound and practical teacher of God’s Grace in America.  Check out this great bible study here

**Just email Mark at mark@clcfamily.net or me at pastorjeff@clcfamily.net and we’ll help
     you get started!  

Or simply attend

Paul’s Letter to the Romans, a class taught by Pastor Jeff.  7:00 – 8:00 pm Wednesdays beginning September 17 (t’s the Apostle Paul’s “Deeper” teaching of what he taught in Galatians. 

Galatians, Grace, Law and Les Miserables in a Café style setting hosted by the “D & D” home group and Pastor Jeff.   It will be held at the church in the 2^nd Floor aud.  We’ll have a brief teaching from Galatians, a video clip of the movie and table discussions.

All of the above is available to anyone, no need to be a church member!!!!

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